A Prayer I Didn’t Want Answered

I couldn’t help but think:  Be careful what you pray for.  I asked God to give me a sign, make it clear if it was time for me to start dating, and he did just that.  It happened the day my mom was moved out of CCU and admitted to the regular post-surgery floor.

A male nurse walked in, upbeat and pleasant, and my mom looked across the room at me with a weird facial expression.  It was the kind a mom gives you when she suspects something is up, and it makes you very uncomfortable.  I was uncomfortable.  He introduced himself as Tony and asked what I was reading.  Ugh.  I was pretending to read Dr. Oz’s You: The Owner’s Manual so that my mom wouldn’t kick me out and make me go home.  She didn’t want me wasting time, worrying about her so I sat there pretending to happily read.  This guy was about to blow my cover by asking me what the book was about.

The he proceeded to tell me about the book he was reading:  The Da Vinci code.  Not interested.  But I noticed he certainly did a good job of summarizing the plot.  He sounded intelligent.  I figured he had to have brains to be an RN and it was a plus that he was a good communicator.

He made me nervous, but I didn’t know why.  I wasn’t attracted to him.  And seriously, who’s thinking about men or dating when their mom just had major surgery, found out the cancer was worse than thought, had been in Critical Care, and needed to spend the week in the hospital recovering.  Certainly not me.  I was worried about her survival, her state of mind, how the bills were going to be paid, whether she’d force herself to go back to work when she really shouldn’t, when were we going to tell the family and how were they going to take it, what was going to happen to our lives.

The next day, to my surprise, she commented that there were plenty of young, single men working in the hospital.  I jokingly asked which of them she needed me to date.  An oncologist?  Surgeon?  Nurse?  What type of staff member was going to help her get better?  OK, so I was only half-joking.  That was a reason to start dating, right?

Over the next week, I noticed whether Tony was working or not and I noticed how the room change when he walked in.  Oh oh, I thought to myself.  I think he’s interested in me – but I don’t want to be interested in anyone.


About inspiredbybrooke

I lost my mom and my grandma to cancer, along with three other people I loved dearly. I decided to start this blog to capture my thoughts about where I've been, where I'm going and what I've learned from life. It's opened my eyes to all the other blogs out there and people I can relate to. Now I know I'm not so alone after all.
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